Dueling shopping carts

Road rage doesn't just happen on a highway anymore....

I went to the grocery store yesterday and it was the equivilent to driving in Mexico, at night, after a bull fight. Oh ya!

I push my cart to the baking aisle and I screech to a halt as I peer down the long aisle that is now deep in carts and angry shoppers. I couldn't turn back...I must buy chopped pecans, marshmallows, and evaporated milk. I inch down slowly cutting my eyes in all directions. The enemy was all around me and I had to remain calm and in control. I spy the chopped nuts and glide my basket towards it. A lady, probably in her 50's, is straddling the shelf with her feet planted ten feet apart, arms outstretched, and eyes madly dancing back and forth. I waited for my turn, but she wouldn't relent her spot. She owned it and wouldn't stop looking through the bags of nuts until she found the perfect one. I see my opening and thrust my hand into enemy territory. I mumble "excuse me" and make a mad grab for the pecans. My fingers grasp two bags and I pull back abruptly. I clench the bags in my fist and raise it for victory.

The marshmallows would be harder, because the damn store has the marshmallows on the shelf below the pudding. Three people were picking through the boxed pudding...for what I will never know. One guy was on his cell and he was irritated. The pudding was all mixed up - instant with non-instant, name brand with non-name brand - it was anarchy on that shelf. I could tell he was talking to his wife about the pudding and he was trying to find the exact one she needed....french vanilla, no sugar added, instant, Jello brand. I knew he was ready to blow and one move from me would be the catalyst. I decided that the only way for me to get those marshmallows was to do a duck and dive. Again I mumbled an excuse me, then I pointed down the aisle to catch him off guard and then I ducked and then dived in for the bag. It was a close one, but I was victorious once again.

I knew I had to get out of there, but more shoppers had flocked to this aisle and there was no escape. My cart wheeled in front of me out of control, the tires squeeled on the linolium, my hands propelled the cart as if my magic. It was demolition derby, a bull fight, and a wrestling match all rolled up into one. I blacked out for a few minutes and when I awoke I was at the check out placing my goods on the conveyer. I still have no memory of the last few minutes in that store, but maybe I am too emotionally scarred to relive the trama. Next year I will do my shopping early...I think I really will this time!